Pinkamena Diane Pie
by Widget Power
Summary: A story of Pinkie Pie's evil alias... I'll keep adding :3 please review
1. Pinkamena

No one knew who she was, she kept to herself. Any and every other person in Horsehair High stared at her like pheonixes. I, Derpy, did not care about appearances. I just was determined not to make a fool of myself. Every day, I combed my hair and tried to center my eyes. I ended up ultimately ruining my entire appearance. I could not look straight no matter what; I had had a terrible experience as a filly and my eyes are permanently "derped". I'm a sophomare.  
Also, I have a terrible clumsiness and tend to say the first thing that pops up in my head, giving me a tendency to list towards the ditzy or mental side of things. But my mind works perfectly contrary to popular belief.  
Well, this new landpony mare had straight pink hair and a pinkish-grey body, her cutie mark was of balloons, but she seemed the opposite. She joined in the middle of the term. Her name was Pinkamena Diane Pie.  
She used to be friends with the group that accepts me, but rumor has it she killed one of their own. I don't believe it, it's ridiculous.  
I stay with the group of mares that is known as the Elementals. I don't know why, but they are. There's Shy, Rarity, Dash, and Jackie. They accepted me, but they always had the spirit of somepony who had loved and lost those they loved. I always asked why I wasn't allowed to mention Pinkamena, but they would just change the subject.  
Well, today was especially grim-like. I was sitting in Algebra I, eating some M&amp;M's, when Jackie passed a note to Shy. Shy read it and started shaking. The light yellow mare's eyes started watering, and she passed the note to Dashie, who growled and slipped it under her desk to Rarity. Rarity reacted to it by apparently flipping her hair. She breathed deeply, letting it out in a sigh. I was curious, and then I noticed Pinkamena staring at the empty desk where the absent pony Vinyl was supposed to sit.  
I shook my mental head, trying desperately to focus on my own work. Square root of pi to the third divided by 50 equals... Potatoes for all I cared, I was focused more on the suspicious activity in the class around me.  
Why hadn't I been passed that note also?  
I was confused, watching Rarity expertly slip the note back to Jackie. I looked back at my algebra.

Later, I was walking down the hall. Pinkamena was staring at a pony called Cheese Sandwich. He trotted down the hall with a giant grin, but that grin disappeared as he passed Pinkamena. From thereon, he walked in a stoop, sulking and nervous. I trotted up to him, and stopped him before he could go further. He was muttering something about some "Pinkie Sense" which I had no idea about. I asked him, "What's wrong?" He just clopped around me and I silently followed him, curious. His head was drooped; there were tremors running through his whole body.  
That night, I went to bed unsure of my life. Ponyville was turning creepier by the second.


	2. Cupcakes

Well, the next day I had shaken it off, and came to school in high spirits. Cheese Sandwich was not there.  
Oh well, must've been sick.  
I cantered over to Pinkamena, who was muttering and drawing something. I tried to peek at the drawing. She snapped the book shut, staring at me.  
"Oh, hi. I'm Derpy, would you like to hang out sometime? I have some muffins at home."  
"I know who you are," said Pinkamena. "But instead, wouldn't you like to come to my house instead?"  
She sounded way too eager, but today I could be banished by Celestia and still stand on top of the world!

That whole day, I anticipated going to Pinkamena's house. We had settled on a sleepover on the weekend. I was surprised, none of the Elementals had ever invited me over. I guess I'm just too strange to attract invitations.  
It was a sunny Wednesday, I pranced home in high spirits. I was happier than an oatmeal muffin, and I decided to go to the Canter River. I sat on the bank, watching a group of fillies splash in a tidepool.  
Then I saw Pinkamena.  
She apparently was heading home. I decided to follow her, not too closely, but just out of curiosity. She retreated into a red house and brought out some orange cupcakes with what looked like a cheesy topping.  
I was surprised at her strange taste, but she ate one and smiled. She had curled her hair into a crazy, messy mass of pink furry mane. In fact, she looked like an entirely different pony. Everybody crowded around her and took one of her cakes. The tray was soon empty and Pinkamena retreated back into her red house. I caught a glimpse of the inside, but rejected what I thought I had seen.  
I pranced home anticipating the welcoming cupcakes.  
But what have I seen in there?


	3. Twilight Sparkle

The rest of the week passed, and I was at Pinkamena's. She had straightened her hair, and she was again wearing that grey look. I smiled at her, she smiled back with a strange air. I looked around her house, not seeing what i thought i had, I was relieved. I looked at her once more, she was holding out another batch of orange cupcakes with the cheesy topping. I took a bite, it was delicious.  
"What did you put in these...?" I muffled with a giant grin.  
"Nothing out of the ordinary..." said Pinkamena, smiling. She put the tray down.  
"Aren't you going to have one?" I asked through an orangey mouthful.  
"Nah, not hungry."  
I shrugged and finished the cupcake. I licked my hoove, savoring the taste of the strangely good topping. Afterwards, we sat in her upstairs room and conversed about relatively normal subjects. Her room was decorated rather eccentrically, and there was a list with red marks on it. I recognised a few names on the list. Derpy Hooves, Lyra... Wait, there was one with a mark through it. I squinted through the red ink.  
Twill-no, Twilight... Spleen? No, Sparkle.  
Twilight Sparkle.  
Who in the world...?


	4. Art

I woke up the next day dreaming of the disturbing picture of Pinkamena in a hockey mask... With a chainsaw... Pffth, she would NEVER. I was sure of it, she was better than that. Today was going to be great.

Well, at school, neither Cheese Sandwich nor Vinyl had returned, and Lyra had disappeared too. There must be some kind of strange hay feverish thing going on... One that takes its victims one at a time. It seemed illogical, but it may be the truth.  
Pinkamena met me outside the school doors, and persuaded me to sit by her in Art. I was busy covering a frame i had made with plaster for a small dragon. I was nearly finished and I only had to add the gemstones when Scootaloo popped up next to me in a frenzy.  
"Derpy, what in the name of CELESTIA is wrong with you?"  
"Well, that's nice of you, because everyone already thinks eveything is wrong with me," I said, giving the freshpony the cold shoulder.  
"Seriously, why are you hanging with Pinkamena? You know, those rumors are true..." he said in a frantic tone, shaking my shoulder. I shrugged his hooves off and started plastering the wings of the dragon.  
"Do you even see what she's making?"  
I looked at her sculpture. It looked like a pony heart. I shrugged and said, "Well, maybe she's into avant-garde art," I said to Scootaloo.  
He sighed and walked back to his life size sculpture of Luna, which Applebloom was helping plaster. I shrugged and set my small plaster dragon on the shelf. Pinkamena did the same.

The next day, we painted our plaster sculptures. Mine was encrusted from head to toe in rhinestones, so I didn't need to. It looked fantastic. Pinkamena mounted hers on a pedestal and let the red paint drip like blood.  
"Very avant-garde," I said, examining the heart. She smiled, letting the paint dry on a shelf.

The day after, two more ponies disappeared. It was Scootaloo and Applebloom. I felt sorry for them, the mysterious disease had obviously rampaged on to them. After school, I went to Pinkamena's again. This time, she had orange and yellow cupcakes with glistening pink frosting. They tasted delicious.


	5. Drunk

It was the weekend, I had another invitation to Pinkamena's for a sleepover. I flew to her house, trying not to destroy city hall again. I landed in front of her house, which smelled strange today. Like, blood and beer. I shook my head and tried to think of a more logical explanation than the one I had in my head for the sudden scent.  
There was a red spot on her welcome mat. She must've, spilled some food coloring. I had the hockey mask Pinkamena stuck in my head once again.  
Pinkamena staggered out, smelling of beer. "Have you been... Drinking?" I asked, sniffing her hoof.  
"You coulllld say thaaaat..." slurred Pinkamena. Her hair was matted and sat on her head like a massive pink ostrich. She led me in, and there were more red splotches. Too many for my comfort. I started shaking.  
Pinkamena staggered to her counter, picking something up. When she turned, I saw the long shovel in her hands. I started shaking harder. "What would you use a shovel for?" I asked, backing away from the advancing pony.  
"What do you thiiink-k?" coughed Pinkamena. She raised the shovel.  
The world went black.


	6. Realization

I woke up tethered with chains to a large, flat board. I quivered in my binds, looking around. There were unmistakable blood pools. I gazed at the gore.  
There were stuffed pony dolls hanging in endless rows, stitched together and bloody. I recognised Lyra's form, and the smaller Scootaloo and Applebloom. I turned, and there was Pinkamena, obviously sobered and much cleaner. She held out a tray of beautiful cookies.  
"Esscence of Applebloom?" she asked, sniggering. She shoved an ornate yellow cookie in my mouth. Sinister guffaws escaped her lips, and she smiled.  
"Welcome, assistant."  
I was shocked. I reluctantly spat out the cookie, shaking my head with the delicious taste of Applebloom on my tongue. I know that sounds terrible, but it tasted amazing.  
"Wh-what do you think you're doing?" I asked as bravely as I could.  
"Oh Derpy. I know you're... well, confused. I would be too. But, Derpy, dear," said Pinkamena pompously. "I think you're quite ready."  
"For...?" I asked, trying to keep my voice stable.  
"For assistant's orientation," she said, laughing shrilly. "I'll go prepare Applejackie for youuuuu..." she said. Her lips were bloody.  
Applejack? Jackie? I had a vague idea of what she meant by "prepare". I was still shivering as she clicked open my hoof-cuffs. I noticed a collar on my neck. It had spikes of what seemed to be unicorn horns.  
She led me to another room, which was white and brightly lit. Jackie was lying on the prominent table, obviously dead.  
I whimpered and tried to back away from the corpse and the killer.  
"Uh-uh-uh," said Pinkamena. She closed and locked the steely door. She then raised a knife and put it to my throat. Her lips brushed against my ear.  
"You're going to watch."


	7. Collar

I went through an hour of her confident yet gory presentation of how to "properly" gut a pony. I was tethered again, by a leash that extended from my collar to a wall. The whole time, I tried not to look. Pinkamena kept me from closing my eyes though.  
Jackie...Jackie's dead.  
That thought ran through my head at least fourteen times per second. Jackie was my friend. And they had been hinting the truth. Pinkamena was a crazed, cannibalistic mental pony. I was scared.  
Well, the next school day passed, I was marked absent, as I was busy trying to figure out how to escape Pinkamena. There was no chance I was going to stay. She murdered my friend! I was going to get her back! But how?  
I had discovered the uses of the unicorn choker. Rather, Pinkamena told me.  
_ "The collar is designed to keep you in line. The unicorn horns can be remotely controlled and will automatically send you flying back to Cupcake Corner."_  
This made flying or walking out impossible. I tried to ask the customers to get rid of it, but all they wanted was the new Apple Smackers, the little ginger-snap-size cookies that Pinkamena had made out of Jackie's flesh. I tried to tell them who they were eating, they simply shake their heads and try to comprehend why Pinkamena was using such a suspicious assistant.  
Then came the Elementals.


	8. The Elementals

They walked into the store, hours before school was supposed to end. I was there, chained and bony. I stood up, and greeted them in the standard way Pinkamena wanted me to greet with. "Cupcake Corner, the best cupcakes in town," I muttered halfheartedly.  
Dash gasped. Rarity ran over to me and stooped at my side. "Whatever happened?" she asked in her usual pompous voice. Dash yelled, "And where's Jackie?"  
I buckled, collapsing to the floor. I gasped for air, trying to ignore the pain in my ribs. Pinkamena had starved me, giving me only the scraps of ponies she had butchered. I did not eat them.  
"Jackie, she's been murdered. By Pinkamena."  
Dash's eyes started watering. Rarity swooned dramatically.  
Shy ran over to Dash, hugging her and crying into her shoulder.  
"THAT DAMN PINKAMENA! SHE WILL DIE!" yelled Dash. She shrugged off Shy, who crumbled into a soggy heap.  
"Come with us," said Rarity. She led me to the door. But as soon as I had crossed the threshold, I was electrically shocked and flew violently into the opposite wall. A picture shattered, shards of glass embedding themselves in my flank. I tried not to lose consciousness, blinking blood from my eyes.  
"The-the collar.." I croaked, coughing out a bit of blood.  
Dash scrambled over, avoiding the glass, and knelt by my side. She examined the unicorn collar gently.  
She tried to break it, but all that did was shock me. "Sorry, sorry," said Dash as I winced in pain. Rarity stepped forward and tried unlocking it with magic, but that only sent even worse jolts of pain coursing down my spine.  
Rarity and Dash looked hopeless.  
"I'm, I'm sorry i've caused all this," I uttered breathlessly, drooling blood. Then I passed out.

* * *

guys, please review, I know this story's been going a little weird, but I need guidance.

Thanks,

Widget :)


	9. Braeburn

They had gingerly laid me across the bench by the door. When I woke, my face felt stiff and cracked with dried blood and tears. I was getting hot in the stuffy, windowless parlor. I got up, ignoring the head rush and getting to a faucet and getting a container to quench my thirst.  
In the kitchen, I looked at the clock. 3:35. School ended five minutes ago, I expected Pinkamena home in a few minutes. Since I had smuggled water for months, (refusing to drink the bowls of blood that I was fed) I already had an empty plastic milk jug stashed under the sink. I filled it and headed to my room before Pinkamena could spot me. I heard the door slam open downstairs.  
"Hon-eyyy, I'm ho-ooome!" Pinkamena's shrill voice echoed upstairs. I knew she wouldn't be surprised by my appearance, I looked like this twenty-four seven. I took another gulp of water, wiped my face, and headed reluctantly downstairs. Pinkamena stood there, smiling.  
"Did you enjoy your cut of flank? You look like you did," she said with fake consideration. I said nothing, just looked at her with one eye.  
She chuckled in a deeper tone, heading towards the kitchen. She looked back at me, smiling. "Oh, and could you please be a dear and do my rounds today? Braeburn's been asking for apple cupcakes."  
I knew what she meant by rounds. After she runs out of organs and cutie marks, she goes to slaughter another pony. I was horrified at her proposal, but I had to do what she said. She made me put on a jacket to conceal my unhealthy thin figure and a massive axe. She also gave me a full facial makeover to conceal my bony cheeks and bloody lips and the many scabs. She did my hair and completed my appearance. I headed outdoors to Sweet Apple Acres.

I arrived at Sweet Apple Acres with my head bent. I walked up to the front door, which was answered by an extremely somber-looking Big MacIntosh. I remembered that Applebloom and Jackie had been killed. I couldn't help hugging Mac. "I'm sorry," I said. He sobbed into my shoulder and I tried to keep my composure. When we finally separated, I gulped and spoke. "I-I'm trying to reach Braeburn. Can you bring him to the door?" I stuttered.  
"Eeyup." He sniffed and headed in.  
I rocked back and forth, holding back tears. I felt the cool steel of the blade on my chest. I regretted ever knowing Pinkamena. Scratch that, it's better that I was here today, I looked less suspicious. Jackie, if she wasn't dead, would know. Pinkamena would mass murder the whole family.  
Braeburn somberly trotted to the door.  
"What's up, Derpy," muttered Braeburn.  
What if I told him?  
It seemed the obvious answer, none of the family members would get wind from Appleloosa. I led him worldlessly down the street to Sugarcube Corner. As soon as we were out of earshot of the remaining Apples, I explained the whole thing, pausing only to take a breath.  
The whole time, Braeburn walked beside me in silence, calculating.  
By the time we had arrived at Sugarcube Corner, I had showed him the axe and had scared him out of his hat.  
Pinkamena was waiting.

* * *

Here is my explanation for your reviews. 1. Twilight is dead, this is if My Little Pony took a wrong turn before Twilight got wings, besides I hate the nasty little conceited idiot, forgive me but all my friends agree. Don't leave me a nasty string of reviews for this please. 2. I just remembered the earth pony deal, thanks. 3. Jackie DID get killed off. Please read through the whole thing before judging. 4. THIS IS NOT CUPCAKES. DON'T LIMIT YOURSELF TO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WRITE. WOW. (oh, and it's not Cupcake corner its sugarcube sorry) With love,

Widget


	10. Rarity

"Derpy, this has to be the most interesting thing you've ever done," said Pinkamena, masking an obvious rage with a syrupy smile. Her hair was curled again, and something glinted in her hoof. I recognised the curve of a skinning knife; blood soaked half her arm.  
I stood in front of Braeburn protectively. "H-how did you know?" I stuttered. She clucked her tongue, ignoring the question. Her fake expression curved into a disappointed, thin grimace.  
"Oh Derpy. You know I have no time for visitors. Besides, I have work." She glanced at Braeburn, who had not rejected the shield that I had provided him. "You look absolutely delicious."  
Pinkamena trotted to Braeburn, who sat down hard on his butt. She stood over him, smiling evilly. I saw Braeburn swallow.  
"Would you like to join us for a sleepover?" Pinkamena said brightly. Braeburn's eyes grew wider and he scooted away on his butt.  
She turned again, roughly grabbed my ankle, and dragged me brutally into Sugarcube Corner. I saw that she had taken it upon herself to take all the skins and dry them. I saw a glint of purple behind a mannequin that was covered in colorful skins. It was a dress, a beautiful yet sick dress. It had pegasus wings lined up on the flank, the cuffs were adorned with orange hair. I could clearly see the cutie mark of Jackie, and of Lyra. I shivered. Then I saw more purple, and the moving figure revealed itself with a flourish, busying itself by sewing a greenish skin onto the collar. I recognised the figure.  
It was Rarity.


	11. Ticktock

Rarity looked to Pinkamena, smiling. "Darling, would you hand me the... Derpy?" Rarity exclaimed, letting the half-sewed skin dangle from the collar of the dress like a dead snake with fur.  
I shook my head, tears welling up in my eyes. Not Rarity! She had crafted this thing. I examined her face, looking for some sign of suffering. I hoped Pinkamena had imprisoned her for this job also, doing it for her own benifit. But her face was devoid of any expression giving her away as a captive.  
"Derpy, ah..." she stuttered, stepping in front of the mannequin, "I was just ah turning Pinkamena in ah hah hah hah hah hah," she broke out into uncontrollable uncomfortable giggles. I kept shaking my head. I wouldn't believe my friend was working with the atrocity.  
I stood there, shaking. The only noise was the dry heaves of Rarity trying to regain her sanity and the ticking of a clock. Pinkamena was smiling, and laughed quietly. "Ah, now you're down to two..." said Pinkamena. I knew what she was talking about. Dash and Shy were the only two that still remained alive and loyal.  
Or were they loyal? Who knew, it was only days before Pinkamena would torture them into slavery or death...


	12. Let's Kill Some Apples!

**_It's been a year since I've written for this! Hope everypony likes it. On to Chapter… What is it now? Four hundred and thirty? Either way!_**

The silence was killing. It made me want to lay on the ground and kill… grass… I had no idea. My mind was spinning. Rarity was out of the question now, huh?

I didn't know how, but I had to find Dashie and Shy before Pinkamena got to them. It wouldn't be easy, in fact, the polar opposite of that. I guess excuses would work, but I also had a Braeburn on my hooves. What was I supposed to do, let him be killed?...

Actually… Why not? I mean, I had watched so many others be murdered, so why not one more for the cakes? I couldn't believe how twisted my mind was, but… Witnesses may be… Yep. I had made up my mind.

"Well, it seems we're at an impasse. Do me the favor of saving his hat, wouldja?" I shoved Braeburn forth and walked out of the parlor. As soon as I had enough distance between me and Sugarcube Corner, I ran.


End file.
